clandestinegro.: Seppuku vs. New Birth: Showdown in the A-Town

He's back, y'all...

Gen. Robert E. Leroy is officially making his long-awaited return to the blog, which should come as sweet relief to the 2.5 people who have ever laid eyes on anything written here.

Anywho, with formalities out of the way, let's get straight to the point of this post:

Eddie Long..... kill yo'self.

Yeah... I said it.

And be sure to take Creflo "I'll say and/or do damn near anything to make a" Dollar with you on your way to whatever afterlife awaits the two of you.

But seriously... although I've been planning to make a return to writing here for quite some time (it was on my to-do list right between "start a new fitness regimen" and "slap the dog-sh*t out of Michael Steele", both of which, unfortunately, remain undone), the pathetic ending/aftermath of this whole Eddie Long saga is what finally forced my hand back to the keyboard.

I'm not going to talk about the fact that Eddie Long has been one of the loudest anti-homosexual voices around for quite some time. I'm not going to dwell on the pause-inducing photos of said Bishop Long(stroke) standing in the mirror in all of his spandex-clad glory. (WWJD? I'm pretty sure it ain't that, Edward).

Tangentially-related sidenote: What exactly qualifies a Protestant minister to give himself the title of "Bishop" anyway? Does it just happen whenever he thinks it would sound good in front of his name? Someone really ought to look into that....

But I digress...

The source of the General's disgust (yes, I switch from 1st-person to 3rd-person references..... deal with it) is the fact that after vowing to "fight his charges like David did Goliath", the good Bishop decided that he'd rather throw money at the problem in a feeble attempt to make it go away. This has already been said numerous times, but innocent people rarely settle lawsuits of this nature, especially when they have a well-known reputation to consider.

Guess what, Eddie?

That lawsuit may have been dropped, but in the court of public opinion, your sorry ass is looking worse than LeBron in the 4th quarter.

So.... lawsuit is settled (almost certainly with funds contributed by members of New Birth M.B.C.).

Quite understandably, members start disappearing from New Birth faster than a bucket of KFC Original Recipe at a family reunion.

The story should end there, right?

WRONG.

This is where our good friend Creflo comes running to the rescue...
(be sure to enlarge the video so you can read the running commentary if you're so inclined)

All i really want to know is this....

WTF is a "wreck"?

And where in the blue hell do you get off telling people where or where not to take their worship preferences, Creflo?

I could talk for hours about how Creflo and Eddie's "prosperity gospel" is a load of crap, but I'm going to let you readers (both of you) make your own decisions on how you feel about good old Cref' and his decision to share some of his infinite wisdom by telling "Negroes" where to go and how to worship.

This world-class crock of bullsh*t is making my head hurt.

I'm Audi 5000 (yeah.... I'm bringing it back).

But allow me to leave you with this surprisingly educational video for anyone out there who might want to learn how to do the "Eddie Long Stroke" (props to the Ass Bakwards crew).